Relationship Counselling

Revive Your Relationship…And Keep It

Falling in love gives us the intoxicating feeling of being alive, whole, and happy. It makes us act in ways we don’t normally, but this magical feeling is not supposed to last. Romance fades and the “hidden agenda” in our relationship emerges from our differences. Keeping love depends not on finding the right partner, but on becoming the right partner and this is created by working ‘ON’ the relationship as well as ‘IN’ the relationship. If we are willing to grow and change, we can learn the skills needed to have a successful relationship.

Working with us will enable you to understand how relationships work and how to apply this to your life.

Click below for further information or give us a call now on (023) 8036 4024

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Conflict is Not the Enemy

Conflict in relationships is actually a blueprint for mutual growth and healing. When we listen to the messages embedded within our conflicts, it teaches us about our deepest unmet needs and how to be fulfilled and happy.

The Way to the Heart is Through the Brain

Our brains are highly adapted to protect us from anything that might be perceived as a threat to our survival. This is what we call the ‘Thinking Mind’ At certain points in every relationship, we hurt our partners when we are just trying to protect ourselves. Our natural and automatic fight/flight/freeze responses occur in how we talk and act. It takes a high level of awareness to gain access to our ‘Feeling Mind’ in our heart. With the practice of specific skills we can identify and eliminate unsafe communication in a relationship and develop habits that cultivate love and affection.

A New Way of Talking

It is possible to express differences and frustrations with your partner while remaining connected in a way that actually enhances your appreciation and love for each other. Arguments can be and need to be constructive not destructive.

Consequences of an Unconscious Relationship

If we do not become aware of how we react unconsciously (automatically) when we feel threatened by our partner, we will blame, criticize, shame, or withdraw to protect ourselves. We start to believe that we are married to the wrong person. It is typical to live increasingly separate lives or develop alternative sources of pleasure (friendships, family responsibilities, hobbies, career, affairs, substance abuse, etc.) in order to tolerate or reduce the discomfort from the relationship.

Our Image of Love

All of us possess an unconscious image of the kind of person who we most expect to love and take care of us. This image is formed without our awareness in childhood. It strongly influences our choice of a mate and contributes to the expectations we have of our partner. By learning more about our own Image and our partner’s, we can grow to become more compassionate towards one another.

You Have an Image Match

Among other reasons, we were attracted to our partner primarily because he/she is our “image match.” This means that your partner has some of the same positive and negative characteristics of our childhood caretakers. While we might first feel most “at home” around our partner because of this resemblance, we eventually experience it as frustrating or painful. Since the same principle applies to how your partner experiences you, it is exceedingly difficult to break the pattern of mutual reactivity without understanding that we are matched in order to forge a new way of loving together.

Marriage as a mirror

Marriage is the one kind of committed relationship that can very easily mirror the original parameters of our relationship with our parents and early caregivers. As such, marriage has the amazing potential to replay scenes from earlier in life. If we are conscious that this is happening, we can work with our partner to find new and healthier ways of meeting each other’s needs. We become partners in each other’s growth and healing, and recognize how we are capable of providing what our partner needs to help him/her finish growing up. Our marriages and committed relationships can be a place of deep healing and a transforming, spiritual experience.

We really do feel we're better together in this relationship now because you have helped us to see what we need to do everyday to not fall back into a bad place..."